I resent these seeds for having shells. 01.06.06 3:24 p.m.
If I am to believe the text message I got yesterday evening, I got the job. Yippie. (You'll have to forgive me, I'm feeling less-than-wonderful due to a lack of nicotine.) Too bad that's only hearsay, and the employer in question still hasn't called me. But anyhow, I may or may not have a kitchen job. Or something. I dunno. I got the impression that she (the interviewer) didn't find me adequately supermodel-esque to be seen anywhere on the floor. Despite the fact that I probably have more experience than 2/3 of her staff. But that's the bitterness talking. I should mention that one of the reasons I loathe and despise the retail industry so much is because it perpetuates sexist beauty standards through its sales teams. (Do not challenge this! I have worked in more retail than you have, guaranteed, and have been told by more bosses how I ought to look than you, too. Arrrrh!)
In other news, I've joined a roller derby. Apparently one does not need any experience - or even skates - to join. (Angry Voice In My Head: Great, I'll be practicing with morons and cheerleading rejects who will inevitably ask what's wrong with the "rollerblades" they've rented at the rink. Or worse, chicks who think they're so tough, and spend practices beating up on the other girls. But worst of all, that girl with no personality who will inevitably become the most popular member of the team because she's blandly nice to everyone. She's everywhere, in every social circle. I hate that chick!)
(You know, it's the equivalent of that guy.)
The random, pointless frustration is getting to me. I can't spend too long in my own mind while getting off the cigs; I'd be likely to start a war if I was without distraction for longer than half an hour. It's as though everything on Earth were created just to annoy me right now. Every tiny gesture is creatively inerpreted to mean that the world is out fo rmy ass, and I must fight it every step of the way. Starting with You! The craziest part is that I don't really want to smoke right now, I just want relief from the frustration, and that's why it's fairly easy for me to get over the nicotine addiction. It's always been the tangible part for me: the playing, the flicking, the puffing, the rolling. I like doing things with my hands, and cigarettes allow me to fidget while getting other things done, so really, I'm trying to quit two habits at once.
Shelled sunflower seeds are currently serving as a surrogate for smokes right now (even more digusting than tobbacco or gum!), and in my bitterness, I just imagined how ironic it would be to choke on one. I could be one of those people in an urban legend/dad anecdote: "He hounded me every day to quit, but got flattened by a truck during his morning jog."* I wish I could have afforded the pistaschios. Then I could be bitching about my pink fingers!
*Supposedly true story related to me by a friend's dad when I was in high school.
Anyhow, I think I have some comic books to read. Otherwise I'll just break stuff.
listening:
reading:
ingesting:
(see entries before 20.11.05)
previously on Smothered Hope:
unreal - 20.05.08
in which our narrator kinda just babbles on a bit - 15.05.08
drank several margaritas last night. they were great. - 04.05.08
spacey - 29.04.08
i will most definitely regret posting this in public - 28.04.08