smothered hope

First up: Paul Graham is my new hero. I should not have to explain this; his essays speak for his genius better than I ever could. It's as though he infiltrated my mind, agreed with me, and made many of my beliefs and concepts coherent to others. Awesome. (Look especially at his essays about what is wrong with the educational system. If you have kids, it might give you some insight as to why high school is poison.)

I have this really optimistic feeling in the back of my mind, like something serendipitous is coming on the horizon. Or perhaps some kind of payoff for something good I've done. Whatever it may be, I'm not counting chickens or anything, just glad to feel this way. (Warning: It's still January, and as such, I could swing right back to the Misery Zone in less than a day. I'm just saying, is all.) The real challenge is stretching this feeling out until 4:30pm, when I naturally begin to perk up at the prospect of leaving this cubicle prison for the day. The download speed is back to normal for that podcast I was all into the other day, so that should help fuel me.

The distinct feeling of being ignored by my co-workers, more specifically, my superiors, has me feeling a little edgy. I know I want out, they know I'm unhappy, but it's sort of dissatisfying to know they don't care enough to meet in the middle. If they really want to keep me (like they say they do), and if I'm really so clever (like they say I am), then why aren't they fighting for me? I doubt it's really a "if you love it, set it free" situation. But hopefully I can turn it into a "you didn't appreciate what you had until you lost it" scenario. I mean, not that I want them to suffer, they're generally good people just trying to do a good job of things, but I would like them to realize that wasting my talents isn't going to entice me to stay. And if I up and go and make myself happy, they're stuck with two people who aren't terribly efficient or easy to communicate with to do my work. I can't help them out forever, and we all make our own beds. (And to round out our never-ending parade of clichés:) Such is life.

I've been invited to a book launch this evening, somewhere close to my neighbourhood, for a change. Funny how the more I wish to save money, the more I'm tempted to go out and spend it on drinks and socializing. But then again, after reading Mr. Graham's essay on how to procrastinate, I think the pile of laundry I've been neglecting can wait if it means keeping my spirits up and getting through the winter.

back | forth

listening:
reading:
ingesting:
(see entries before 20.11.05)

previously on Smothered Hope:

unreal - 20.05.08
in which our narrator kinda just babbles on a bit - 15.05.08
drank several margaritas last night. they were great. - 04.05.08
spacey - 29.04.08
i will most definitely regret posting this in public - 28.04.08