smothered hope

Ok, seriously, I'm tired of having the crazy. Can I please not have it anymore? I'd like to be happy, or at least some form of normal.

Anxiety attacks, depression, fear, mood swings; none of it is me. It's not who I really am. The problem with having a broken brain is that people see you as the embodiment of your crazy. The see you as a crazy person, or rather, not a person, per se, but some kind of monster. Not human. Regular rules of humanity don't apply to you, so others feel they can call you names, shun you, exclude you, belittle you, berate you, etc.

I want to be myself. A person, like you. But the crazy makes me scary to you, makes me a monster, and you don't have the will or the strength to com too close because I'll probably hurt you. You're probably right. But it's not me.

I'm not that monster, I swear. I'm a person, a decent one. I swear. Please stop thinking of me like some kind of "other" or "thing."

I need other people if I'm ever going to fix this. Don't abandon me.

back | forth

listening:
reading:
ingesting:
(see entries before 20.11.05)

previously on Smothered Hope:

unreal - 20.05.08
in which our narrator kinda just babbles on a bit - 15.05.08
drank several margaritas last night. they were great. - 04.05.08
spacey - 29.04.08
i will most definitely regret posting this in public - 28.04.08