sharing a species with you makes me ill 04.07.06 1:20 a.m.
Every time I try to express myself lately, I feel like I can't, for a number of reasons. Mostly I feel like I'm not allowed, as though everything I could possibly want to say aloud is wrong because it's an expression of something I'm upset or confused about, and to share that with anyone would be a terrible drag, making me the world's worst friend, since, y'know, bummed-outness is catching, and it's worse than AIDS. Gah. Conversely, anything nice I have to say, or anything I find interesting that I'd like to share is actually really boring, stupid, or oh-so five minutes ago. God, I hate people. I fucking hate them.
about five paragraphs deleted ironically
I am going to do what I have been doing for the last few months: sit on the couch and feel utterly voiceless, and I'm going to fume with anger about that. The same human scum who tell you to do what you want in life, naysayers be damned, are nearly always the same scum who mock, belittle and scorn you for doing so. Shakespeare, Shelley, Cave, they had it right: people just ain't no good.
(That thought's been festering away without a home for about a month now, by the merry little way. Thanks, tongue-cutters and word-shacklers.)
Jeeeeeeezus, I shouldn't have to do this. I shouldn't ever have to feel so repressed. I shouldn't have to feel scared that any comment, no matter how seemingly trivial, will be scrutinized and promptly scorned by people I had thought were my friends. Gadddamnit. I'm at a loss, for once, for something to say about the ridiculous-ness of this situation. Fucking fuck fuck. Ass. Mother son of a fuck ass bitch fuck. Jesus on a fucking pole of fucking hell. Christ on a pogo stick. Damn double fuck damn. Fuck. I hate humans.
listening:
reading:
ingesting:
(see entries before 20.11.05)
previously on Smothered Hope:
unreal - 20.05.08
in which our narrator kinda just babbles on a bit - 15.05.08
drank several margaritas last night. they were great. - 04.05.08
spacey - 29.04.08
i will most definitely regret posting this in public - 28.04.08